Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Text me some of your sweat
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
