i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
