Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
