I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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