i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
