You made me cry and you don't even care
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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