he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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