the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
