I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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