My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
