I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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