Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
