That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
