I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
