Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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