i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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