Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize