atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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