He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had to cum in my sink.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
