I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
