her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
