I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
