i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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