i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
