omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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