Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
