I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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