He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
