like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can I color on your dick again?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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