are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
