Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
