I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
