Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
