in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish you could order shots online.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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