Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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