Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
