Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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