so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
