i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
