I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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