just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
