the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
