something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
