Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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