Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
