You can't special order awesome
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
