Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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