Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
