The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
