So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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