Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
