The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
