Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
