My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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