..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I lost the right to judge tonight
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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