I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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