so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
