They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
