first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
