hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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