Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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